


To get a dream of life

by WinterFir



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jaskier doesn't like this soulmate business, Jaskier | Dandelion Has Feelings, Kaer Morhen, M/M, Mentions of witcher training, Oxenfurt Academy (The Witcher), Past Jaskier | Dandelion/Valdo Marx, Soulmates, Time Skips, a lot of feelings about destiny, but we will see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26749948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterFir/pseuds/WinterFir
Summary: Jaskier was 9 when he first had a dream that he knew wasn't normal.He was 10 when he found out he had a soulmate and the dreams were memories.He was 13 when he found out his soulmate wasn't human.This is the story of how Jaskier grew up while seeing his soulmate's not so happy memories, and how it changes everything (or maybe not).
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 25
Kudos: 101





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, so let me start by thanking the wonderful Mary Rae for beta reading this story (She is on tumblr @writer-rae).  
> At the end of each chapter, you will find some notes in regard to some flowers or words that may appear.  
> Hope you guys enjoy, chapter 1 should be updated soon!!

When Jaskier was young, he dreamed of a fortress high in the mountains, he dreamed of men carrying swords on their backs, he dreamed of little boys in chains screaming for mercy after being forced to drink potion after horrible potion.

Back then, he hadn’t understood those dreams, and his parents had forbidden him from speaking about them. Back then, he had been Julian, and so he had been a good heir and a good son, had done what he was told. Little Julian didn’t speak about his dreams, he didn’t ask what they mean, and he didn’t search for answers. But Julian didn’t stay little, he grew up, and at 10 years old, he forged himself a new identity, Jaskier.

Jaskier was intrinsically different from little Julian, for Julian had been a puppet, a porcelain doll for his parents to control. Jaskier, however, was free of their control, he would be a more liberal viscount and enjoy the finer things in life, he would also search for answers for his little problem. And so he found them on an old moldy book, hidden away in a dark corner of the library like some secret of a different era.

According to the Grand Mistress Mara Baril, the author of the book, soulmates shared a bond that would allow them to find each other. The bond works in a very simple way, the memory of every event that has a profound impact in one’s life will be transferred to that person’s soulmate, in the form of dreams.

10-year-old Jaskier likes to consider himself a romantic young boy, in fact, he always had been in love with the idea of romance but looking at that explanation, he didn’t like it. He didn’t like the idea of soulmates, that he was destined to fall in love with a pre-determined person. Especially a person whose dreams are filled with pain and violence. Jaskier didn’t know what kind of life his soulmate had but it wasn’t a happy one.

But no matter how much Jaskier disliked the dreams or the idea that his destiny has already decided, the dreams continued. The boys screaming, the men with the swords, an obstacle course that started in the courtyard of the fortress and continues into the mountain. Jaskier had dreamed of running that course so many times that sometimes he woke up more tired than when he had lain down. He also dreamed of being afraid of falling like a young boy, of hearing the other children gasp and cry out their friend’s name. _Yoren._

Once he had dreamed of a boy named Eskel, and what it felt like to curl up with him during a cold night.

Jaskier knew that his soulmate was older than him, a lot older, he saw him attending classes with written forms that were no longer used, heard the expressions exchange between his soulmate and his friends. His soulmate was ancient.

But there was one thing that annoyed him the most and that was that he had no idea what his soulmate looked like, all Jaskier knew was that apparently, his soulmate was similar enough to Eskel that people thought they could be brothers, so that would mean that whoever it was had short brown hair, hazel eyes, with round soft cheeks and a mischievous smile. That was it, that was all Jaskier knew about his soulmate from his observations of the boy named Eskel.

But then again, he could have some sort of deformity because once Jaskier had dreamed of a girl who looked at his soulmates’ face and screamed like she had seen a monster, and then she passed out.

Melitele only knew what he had been bonded to, what man could cause such a response.

But his life wasn’t only those terrible dreams, outside their gasp, in the waking world Jaskier decided to become a poet, to one day write beautiful poems for the fair ladies of the Lettenhove court. He would enchant all the fair maidens until the time came where he took over his father position. Once he became the viscount, he would be free to do as he pleased, he would choose a lovely lady was his wife. She would be kind, in love with him and his poems, they would walk the gardens while laughing and trading caring looks, their children would be loved and treated well. He would be everything his parents weren’t, and he would never meet whoever Destiny, had thought to try to tie him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soulmates- two people connected by destiny. Each person will dream of important events in their soulmate's life. The dreams don't happen in chronological order, and in them, the person that is dreaming sees the world through the eyes of their soulmate. More will be explained in the next chapters.
> 
> Please leave a comment <333 See you guys soon!!


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm back!! Once again thank you Mary for beta reading this for me!  
> At the end of the chapter, there will be two notes for the flowers mentioned.   
> Hope you guys enjoy the chapter <33

It was in the spring of 1236, that Jaskier turned 13 years old. His father gifts him a gold ring with the family crest, and a bruise on his arm from the too-firm grip he had when he made the usual speech about honor and legacy.

His sweet mother had gifted him a fine outfit, the color of mountain larkspur, a deep blue that in the light would give the smallest hints of a dark purple. The fabric was soft to the touch and light, exactly how he liked it, so he could move and dance as much as he liked without feeling trapped. Mother had also secretly gifted him some poetry books, the books had been handed to him by his mother personal maid in the morning before the first meal, and Jaskier knew that he would treasure them, forever.

His father however could never find out about their existence, he already disapproved of Jaskier too much. Ever since the day that Jaskier had come crying to his parent’s room in the middle of the night from his first dream, his father had looked at him like he was defective. And over the years the flaws had only piled up, Jaskier was too soft, loved flowers too much, cared too much about poetry and songs, daydreamed too much, was too liberal, didn’t care enough about the rules and traditions, didn’t care for swords and spears. Jaskier was simply too much of his mother’s son.

Melitele had also decided to give him a gift of her own, for that night while he slept he saw his soulmate’s face for the first time.

The memory seemed to be a continuation of the one he had seen when he was 10, the girl that had scream upon looking at his soulmate’s face was there laying on the floor unconscious. Jaskier could feel that his soulmate was unsettled by the reaction as he got up from his position next to the girl. His soulmate walked to the edge of the river and Jaskier who in the dreams walked in the body of his soulmate had no choice but to stare at the reflection in the water, as his soulmate looked at his face.

Jaskier may not like his soulmate on the principle that he didn’t like being forced into things, but looking at the face reflected in the water, Jaskier couldn’t understand the girl’s reaction.

His soulmate’s face wasn’t deformed. It wasn’t human either but it wasn’t monstrous. It was quite a nice face once one got over the white hair, white as snow with darker strands of silver. And the eyes. Dear Melitele, the eyes. They were gold, the shine they had was unnatural and so was the vertical dark pupil. But there was something beautiful about those eyes, beautiful and sad. His soulmate was sad at his appearance.

His full lips that in the beginning were slightly open in a surprised gasp, were now pressed tightly, which made the strong jaw stand out. Jaskier took it all in, memorizing his soulmate’s face while wishing he could look away and forget it all.

He lay awake all night, staring at the canopy, his soulmate’s face graved in his memory. And in the morning, as the pale and shy sun rays pierced through the curtains, Jaskier could no longer pretend that he didn’t found his soulmate intriguing in a way, that he wasn’t a bit curious.

He still very much disliked the idea of having someone forced on him, because fate command it so, but the memory of those sad eyes the color of Coreopsis hunted him. After 5 years of constantly seeing painful memories that didn’t belong to him, seeing the face of the person who lived those events made his heartache.

It felt like a relief in a way, to know that he hadn’t made it all up in his head, that it was real. He truly had a soulmate, and all those awful things that he saw were real and not a perversion of his brain. But that made him angry that someone had to go through all that pain and repulsed at what he saw of his soulmate’s childhood.

But there was also dread, it was real. He was shackled by Melitele herself to this man, that wasn’t even human. There was a tiny little ember of hope in him until that moment, that maybe it was all a big mistake, maybe it was all in his head and there wasn’t really a bond, but now the hope was gone. And he didn’t even know what his soulmate was. Lettenhove was isolated in away from the rest of the Continent, not many travelers passed by, especially the non-humankind, after all, they wouldn’t be welcome. Great-grandfather Julius had executed all nonhuman in Lettenhove and those that hadn’t been put to the sword, stoned to death or hanged, had fled into parts unknown. Those who stayed and tried to hide were found during Jaskier’s childhood, for his father had continued the family legacy of maintaining the land free of such creatures. Jaskier remembers the horrifying sight of the bodies of a family of three, a mother, a father, and a small boy hanging above the gates of Lettenhove, a clear sign that non-humans weren’t welcomed.

That’s all Jaskier knew, he didn’t know what kind of creatures that family had been nor did he knew what kinds of non-humans existed. So that day, after the first meal he went to the library, it was empty as always, as the only people that used it where he and his mother. His father didn’t care for old dusty books that were filled with nonsense, or, so he said. But Jaskier loved the library, with its big windows, endless books, and the old comfy chairs, with their flowery outdated upholstery, it was like this part of their estate as frozen in time. The servants didn’t come here, and tiny dust particles floated in the air shining in the sunlight, his mother used to say that it was fairy dust floating in the air, enchanting the books for happy endings and wonderfully adventurous.

But Jaskier wasn’t here to read about the adventures of Pippin or the magic world of Gaius, he came into this place once again to look for answers. Walking past the bookshelves at the beginning of the library, he went deeper into the room to where he had found Grand Mistress Mara’s book on soulmates. That corner of the room was the one farther away from the door, it was like a little nook hidden behind a heavy bookshelf, the only light in that corner came from a small narrow window and the heavy candle that was placed in the side table by the old chair. If the main part of the library was an enchanted fairy realm, this corner was a little comfy burrow.

He traced the spines of the books, the old leather of the covers was soft from the age and so were the fabric covers, those were coming apart with small threats breaking loose and at the top and bottom of the spine, the colors had also faded and softened. What once had been a bookshelf filled with colorful books was now muted in a way and washed by the years. He looked at the books, took some out of their places to carefully thumb through their aged pages, the smell of dust and old books made his noise itch but it was strangely comforting.

Book after book he opens, some detailed old kingdoms that no longer existed or had changed so much that they are no longer recognizable, others spoke of flowers and herbs and their medicinal uses, there also seem to exist a more nefarious version of the same book. There were books on the human anatomy and books about sorcerers and mages, one about elves and one about the enchanted forests of the Continent. But none of the books mentioned people with golden eyes or white hair.

Spinning on his heels, a huff leaving his chest, Jaskier sat down on the old wooden chair under the window, the light hitting the floating particles in the air and making them shine, outsides birds were singing a soft song and in the distance, there were the voices of servants, knights and the folk that lives of the estate grounds. There was so much live outside, so many people in this place he lived, and yet Jaskier was alone, sitting in a corner of a library that only two people entered, looking for answers about something he should be ignoring. Soulmates were a divine sign and so shouldn’t be ignored, to ignore destiny was to invite chaos and ruined into one’s home, but some people refused to bend to the will of the gods and fought against their bonds. From what Jaskier had read most had found their freedom in death, for that was the price they had to pay to get rid of the shackles of destiny. 

But that was out there in the rest of the Continent, in Lettenhove such things weren’t discussed, everything was perfectly normal and mundane, there were no non-humans and there were no soulmates. People married for money, titles, some were lucky and manage to marry for love. Jaskier, however, didn’t dislike the thought of a soulmate because his family or tradition demand it to be so, he hates it because he dislikes that not even his love life was his to control.

And yet, here he was. Once again. Not ignoring this thing that he was against.

His gaze followed the invisible lines in the air in front of him, he traced the spines of the books he had explored just a few moments ago with his eyes, making his way down from the top of the dark bookshelf to the bottom.

And…there!

A book partially is hidden under the last shelf, like it has fallen and been kicked under it. Getting up from his seat, Jaskier rushed to pick it up. It was a dusty old tome, a dark leather cover with no engravings or embellishments. The first page showed the name of no author, only a title.

_Monstrum, a Portrayal of Witchers_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Larkspur- An old-fashioned annual flower, the larkspur has a variety of symbolic meanings. Most commonly, it is used to symbolize love, affection, and strong attachment. However, it can also symbolize a desire to be humorous and for lightness. It can serve as a representation of a pure heart
> 
> Coreopsis- Coreopsis produces vibrant, bright-colored, and daisy-like flowers that bloom in summer and fall. Coreopsis symbolizes cheerfulness and love.
> 
> Please leave a comment <33


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! Once again thank you Mary for beta reading this!!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!!

_“Once as numerous as the beasts they fought, today the Witchers are seen as a relic of times long gone. The exact nature of their training remains a mystery. It is known it consists, among others, of the Trails – processes that transform the organism using a specific combination of secret herbs and infusions. Those who survive them gain superhuman reflexes, speed of reaction, the ability to see in the dark, and many other traits making them lethal foes. During their training, they learn swordplay and basics of magic, known as Signs. Armed in this set of abilities, the witchers can effectively fulfill their objective, that is to protect humans from the monsters inhabiting our world.”_

**\- Monstrum, a Portrayal of Witchers**

The winter of 1236 was one of the worst, the wind howled across fields and broke everything in its path, the morning frost destroyed the crops and the cold took the lives of many. It was safer to stay indoors to everyone and so the outside world became a white desert with no people. No longer did Jaskier hear the song of the birds or the voices of the workers coming from outside, even the inside of the estate was quieter than usual, soberer with the loss of the crops and loved ones. 

There was nothing to do, no flowers or plants to admire, no walks in the garden, no sitting outside in sun with a good book. By winter Jaskier had read and reread the old tome many times, and every time he swore it would be the last time, but he keeps going back to it. Especially after nights were his dreams were plagued with memories. He never saw his soulmates’ faces again, but he didn’t need to remember it very well. 

The old book was blatant propaganda against witchers, but it did have some important information, after all, it was that book that leads him to discover what is soulmate was. A mutant, a man that in his childhood had been mutated with the purpose of killing monsters that threatened human lives. It also gave him the information that the fortress in the mountains that he saw in his dreams was a witcher school named Kaer Morhen. 

He saw the old fortress frequently in his dream, it seemed that his soulmate’s time in that place had left him with many everlasting marks, especially during his childhood but also later in life. In the summer, Jaskier had dreamed of the sacking that had occurred, at first, he thought that maybe it was his imagination since he had just read the passage in the book that detailed what had happened, but he quickly realized it was a memory.

Jaskier wasn’t able to sleep much in the nights that follow, the screams of the young boys haunted him at night when all was silent, the desperation of the adults to protect their students, friends, and home, the chocking sensation of ash in his lungs followed him during the days. At times, he could even see a shadow in the corner of his eye, it made his heart stop with the terror of it being one of the fanatics. But it was all in his head, after all, he was in Lettenhove, and he wasn’t a witcher, no fanatics were coming for him. 

He didn’t know if everyone had this much trouble adjusting and living with the things they saw from their soulmate, but he doubts that many could say that they were tied to a witcher. Ever since the first dream when he was 9 years old, Jaskier lived with terrible images in his head, and every time he thought it couldn’t get worse, it did. Objectively some memories weren’t as gory or bloody as others but there was still something terrifying to them. 

His first dream had been of a fight in a town called Blavikien, his soulmate had cut through 7 men without any sign of remorse and in the end, killed a young woman named Renfri, he still remembers it to this day. He had been dreaming, and he was aware of it, but he couldn’t wake up, he couldn’t leave the dream or change it, he was stuck there, in his soulmate’s body, watching the world to his eyes, feeling the weight of the sword in his hand and how easily it cut through flesh and bone. 

His second dream had been of the less violent kind, but it had frozen him to the core. In it, his soulmate was a young boy asked to go fetch water by his mother only to return and find her gone, in her place was a tall man with golden eyes and a sword on his back, his soulmate had been so scared and heartbroken, and so had been Jaskier who woke up crying, and with his heart beating so fast it felt like he had been running.

Jaskier wondered if his soulmate dreamed of him, the book said that witchers lost their ability to feel emotions during the Trails but it didn’t say anything about soulmates if they dreamed or not. it was clear that they could be bonded to someone. But was it a two-way connection or a one way, could Jaskier also close his side of the bond if it was a one-way connection. That seemed like a possibility worth exploring, maybe he should go find his soulmate when he was older, that way he could learn if the bond worked both ways, and maybe there was a potion that would stop him from dreaming. 

That did seem like a fine idea.

He couldn’t possibly trust a sorcerer or a mage to help him with this since they would probably try and study him, just like they did to those poor boys that were training to be witchers. No, Jaskier couldn’t trust them.

The only person he could trust to help him fix this was the man he was bonded to, and even then he would have to be careful after all he didn’t know what kind of reaction he would get. Maybe the white-haired witcher didn’t know he had a soulmate, maybe he didn’t dream, after all, he never came to Lettenhove, or maybe he dreamed of Jaskier but just didn’t care.

After all, why would a witcher care about a 13-year-old human boy, witchers lived for years and years or so the book had led him to believe, Jaskier’s life was a mere blink in the life of his soulmate. One more reason why this soulmate business was a stupid thing, thought Jaskier, why to bond him to someone whose life span was so much bigger, it was cruel. 

Still, Jaskier couldn’t help but imagine what his soulmate would dream about if the connection went both ways, what memories did he saw. Did he see how Jaskier’s cousins had pushed him into the stables and locked him there while he cries, scared of the big destrier that belongs to his father, ever since that day Jaskier refuse to go near the horses? Or maybe he would dream of the happiness Jaskier felt when he began to have lessons about music, dancing, literature, and history, Jaskier loved those lessons, and he excels in them too. Math and book-keeping were the ones where he truly fails. But he didn’t let it bother him after all he would have a treasurer that would handle the financial part of the estate, and he as the viscount would listen to the people and solve whatever conflicts that appeared. 

Letting his thought run, Jaskier closed his eyes and pray that tonight it would be a peaceful night, hopefully with no dreams and if he dreamed at all he hoped it was a good dreamed, maybe he would dream of Eskel again, the last time he saw him, he had just returned from a place called Ban. And Jaskier was sinking fast into the dark, his mind becoming blank. Outside, in the distance, he thought he heard multiple wolves howling in the night. 

Funny. There were no wolves in Lettenhove. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Destrier- Destrier does not refer to a breed of horse, but a type of horse: the finest and strongest warhorse. These horses were usually stallions, bred, and raised from foal hood specifically for the needs of war. They had powerful hindquarters, able to easily coil and spring to stop, spin, turn or sprint forward. 
> 
> Please leave a comment <33


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